Friday, December 21, 2007

Holiday Jitters and Social Anxiety

I have to admit.....I am a social retard. As much as I try to pretend, and try to fit in, I can't and it is such a catch 22 situation for me "damned if I do and damned if I don't". My wife on the other hand is just the opposite. She is going to drag me to atleast 4 Christmas social gatherings in this next one week and I am not all pleased about it. I have not much choice but tag along and pretend to make small conversations with people and enjoy myself.
Mind you......I am not a people hater. I like people and have no issues dealing with them on a one on one basis. Also, I have no issues with meetings and discussions as long as it is work related ,perhaps due to the fact that it provides me with a paycheck every 2 weeks and keeps the bills paid on time. In my younger days I would try to act all cool and try to fit in only to be shunned by the cooler ones, but now I can be myself and not care about what everyone else thinks about me.

I am sure it all goes back to my upbringing where we had a house full of people all the time and no privacy at any given time. There was some one or the other on your face all the time. My mother took the worst hit, cooking and cleaning after all these people in addition to taking care of her 4 little children including myself. Due to the expectation for her to produce the deliverables in a timely fashion,she was always on the edge and made us all edgy. One wrong move and we would all be in the line of fire. My poor mom, she vented all her anger on us kids and regretted later.

Holidays like Onam was the worst ands to date I dread when Onam comes around. Deepavali wasn't too bad as somehow my dad had an affinity for fireworks which was fun for all of us. We all got the customary new clothes and it was a better holiday than others. I did not really care for Holi, Vishu , Christmas or any other holidays. But when you have kids,it is different and do a lot of things differently for their sake and to create good memories for them.

We recently took a weeklong vacation at Disney World Florida. basically it was a holiday for the kids as it was a good age for them to experience the wonders of what Walt Disney created for little kids. it was grand, opulent and display of capiltalism at its best. We all had a lot of fun. But if it wasn't for the boys, I woulda' scrammed out of there even before I got in. Endless queues, exorbitant prices and phony park staff all around saying " have a magical day". Mickey rules these grounds and is probably revered more than God around there. I would jokingly tell my wife- Mickey is the 11th re-incarnation of Vishnu and is here to save the world along with Minnie, goofy, Pluto and the others. They will annoy the world into submission and peace will eventually prevail.

I hope that everyone has a wonderful holiday season.

Cheers to new beginnings in 2008!!

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