Friday, December 21, 2007

Holiday Jitters and Social Anxiety

I have to admit.....I am a social retard. As much as I try to pretend, and try to fit in, I can't and it is such a catch 22 situation for me "damned if I do and damned if I don't". My wife on the other hand is just the opposite. She is going to drag me to atleast 4 Christmas social gatherings in this next one week and I am not all pleased about it. I have not much choice but tag along and pretend to make small conversations with people and enjoy myself.
Mind you......I am not a people hater. I like people and have no issues dealing with them on a one on one basis. Also, I have no issues with meetings and discussions as long as it is work related ,perhaps due to the fact that it provides me with a paycheck every 2 weeks and keeps the bills paid on time. In my younger days I would try to act all cool and try to fit in only to be shunned by the cooler ones, but now I can be myself and not care about what everyone else thinks about me.

I am sure it all goes back to my upbringing where we had a house full of people all the time and no privacy at any given time. There was some one or the other on your face all the time. My mother took the worst hit, cooking and cleaning after all these people in addition to taking care of her 4 little children including myself. Due to the expectation for her to produce the deliverables in a timely fashion,she was always on the edge and made us all edgy. One wrong move and we would all be in the line of fire. My poor mom, she vented all her anger on us kids and regretted later.

Holidays like Onam was the worst ands to date I dread when Onam comes around. Deepavali wasn't too bad as somehow my dad had an affinity for fireworks which was fun for all of us. We all got the customary new clothes and it was a better holiday than others. I did not really care for Holi, Vishu , Christmas or any other holidays. But when you have kids,it is different and do a lot of things differently for their sake and to create good memories for them.

We recently took a weeklong vacation at Disney World Florida. basically it was a holiday for the kids as it was a good age for them to experience the wonders of what Walt Disney created for little kids. it was grand, opulent and display of capiltalism at its best. We all had a lot of fun. But if it wasn't for the boys, I woulda' scrammed out of there even before I got in. Endless queues, exorbitant prices and phony park staff all around saying " have a magical day". Mickey rules these grounds and is probably revered more than God around there. I would jokingly tell my wife- Mickey is the 11th re-incarnation of Vishnu and is here to save the world along with Minnie, goofy, Pluto and the others. They will annoy the world into submission and peace will eventually prevail.

I hope that everyone has a wonderful holiday season.

Cheers to new beginnings in 2008!!

Friday, October 26, 2007

25 years after College

The year was 1983, just finished the last exam, of the final exams. Now what? Maybe a short vacation, little rest and relaxation after all that "hard" work I put in, to pass the exams. That seemed like a good idea till Mom started pestering to find a job. Do I want to stay in Bhopal?...I don't think so. Back to Mumbai it is on the good ol' Punjab Mail, second class reservation compartment.. all the way till Dadar. Do I have a place to stay? No, can't go back to the hostel, that chapter of my life is over. Shacked up with my cousin for a few weeks.

India won the Cricket World cup, Yes!! the whole country is celebrating. Well, my reserve cash is running out and I am almost about to hit the panic button... there comes opportunity knocking in the form of couple of odd jobs to keep floating and avoid starvation. Still searching for that dream job in a ritzy 5 star hotel. Well, that did not happen. Settled for Captain's job at a 4 Star hotel in South Mumbai.First day of job, nervous as hell, everybody is looking at me funny, seems like the whole world is ganged up against me. I want my Mommy..... Built up enough courage to go back to work the next day, the day after.. weeks.. months, it is not too bad but not the best either. The salary sucks, 12-14 hour work days, unappreciative management, Unionized subordinates and deplorable working conditions. Since I don't really have anything else to do except work ,get drunk after work and sleep, it is OK, life goes on like this for a couple of years.

Fast forward to 1986, frustration is building up due to lack of recognition from Management, crappy salary and everything mentioned above. I make a hasty decision and quit, do a couple of short gigs at Airport hotels in Mumbai. Get back to South Mumbai , this time working for a Premiere Private Club as Restaurant Manager, still long hours, but the remuneration is good, Management is appreciative of my work ethics and treat me with dignity and respect.

September 1988, shock of my life. I am hired as a Flight Attendant for a leading International Airline.... whoa... I had to pinch myself to believe it... repeatedly. Life is awesome for the next 4 years as I travel to different parts of the world. But, I am tired of the monotonous life in 4 years, novelty has worn out.I want to get back to what I know best, I need the challenge and satisfaction of a job well done.

So, Off to North America it is in 1992, the land of milk and honey.The initial enthusiasm died out in a few months when reality set in. Strange land, culture, subtle discrimination, Unfamilar surroundings. It took a few years to get into the groove of things, trying to assimilate into mainstream America, make a career in hospitality and move ahead in life. However, setback after setback lead to disappointment and disillusionment. I still cannot see that proverbial light at the end of the tunnell.Nevertheless, I keep chugging looking for resolutions and alternatives.

The late 90's brought the second wave of "Gold" rush to America,the first one being in late 1800's. This time it is not the precious metal but technology, "dotcom". Not having a clue what it is, but curious to know, I start my academic journey once again, and by the end of the 20th century I am ready for my new career. Employment market is hot, I find an entry level technology position with ease. With the right attitude and aptitude, I am blazing the trail and moving up the ranks reasonable quickly.

Present day, 2006. Here I am 23 years after Catering College, disengaged from Hospitality but remembering with gratitude and reverance, for taking me on this journey of life filling it with excitement,anticipation, rich experience and making me the man that I am today.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Cow dung cakes, RamRatan and Airplanes...

In my pre-teen and teen years one of my resposibilities were to take care of our 2 cows and their calves. Feed them,take them out for grazing and bringing them back home at a reasonable ours before milking time were the chores involved. Sounds like fun right.......not!Looking back at it I appreciate my dad making me do all that as I have learnt to love and respect animals. But those days, it cut into my time for other activities :-). Also, there was a cute girl in the 'hood, who was also my classmate, on whom I had the biggest crush. I was so embarrassed when she saw me tending to the cows.

The worst part was collecting the cow dung and making cow dung cakes. These cakes after drying would be used for fuel. I had to do this before going to school, so no matter how much soap you applied, I stank of cow dung!! well..I guess no one noticed
because everybody else stank too of something or the other. Kids from the North Indian families stank of "mustard oil". One way to mask the stink was a lotion called " Boroline". Deodarants were non-existent those days, actually, even now 30 years later,deodarant is not really a commonly used commodity. So, for years, I took care of "Ammini", "nandini", "Aniyathi", "Mani" and "Karambi pashu" ( she was a fiesty one).

That brings me to RamRatan, a punk kid in the 'hood. He came from one of the poorer families in the BHEL N1 quarters( accomodation for labor class employees). He was a sneaky dude who would wait to snag anything that came to hand including Kanndas, guava fruit or mango fruit ( we had these trees in our yard). I would chase him around the block with the choicest words. His whole family would come out and yell at me which would make me retreat like a scared dog. I wonder what Ram Sharif is upto these days? he was my age. Hope he is well.....wherever he is.

As I mentioned before, making the cow dung cakes was my least favorite chore. All dirty with the dung and swatting away vicious flies who are capable of drilling holes into your body, I would look up in the sky and see the long trail of plane fuel of jets flying thousands of feet above me. I would secretly wish I was on one of those jets going to some faraway land where milk and honey flowed, men dressed up in nice suits, hats and boots and ladies in lovely dresses.

To put things into perspective, here I am in a faraway land, reminiscing about wishes that came true.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

How much affection is too much? or too little? If I can freeze time.......!! Who wants to be a Rocket scientist?

Love you Dad!... Love you Mom!... Love my boys!....Love my honey!.... who loves his boys?, who loves his girl?!.......If some one eaves drop around our home these phrases are flying around intermittently almost every few minutes when we are home. Call us loonies but we are a bunch of people who don't hide our affection for one another. That keeps the home fun and relaxed.

Consider this... I grew up in a household where affection was rarely shown and it was also considered that if you too much affection to your kids they will get spoiled and take advantage of you. I disagree....if you have love and affection ..show it.......else how is the other person going to know?, especially if they are little kids. It only makes them more secure and strong.

I was 16 years old when I left home for college, My sister was 10, brothers were 8 and 6 respectively. For me that age is frozen in time and I still see my little siblings as the little kids that they were.. If course I do not treat like them, they are all grown up adults now. Sometimes I call my two boys Aji and Manu, my brothers nicknames........out of habit from 25+ years ago. I happily took them under my wings and proudly looked after them.

Our kids are 5 and 7 and there are times when I wish I could freeze time and keep them that way for ever...that is selfish of me....they have to grow up and experience everything like everybody else. But it is that age where they are innocent, look up to us as we are superheroes ( mom and dad) and we can make anything better with a little kiss and a hug. My 2 boys' bed are occupied all the time by Barry the bear, blue the little dog, Mooomu the big dog, Moosie the Moose(deer), Snaky the teddy bear, Kiki the tiger, Dino the dinosuar and "Pup Pillai" Vinny newest hand puppet. OK, now you know that these are all stuffed animal toys. Also, their best friends, when they feel sick or sad, they find comfort with these dudes.

Soon they will pass this stage, resistence and independence is going to slowly break out in their dimension and things are going to change. I guess we have to keep a sane head and take one day at a time. Show them appreciation and teach values as you would want them to appreciate life. Easier said than done with today's dynamic world where things are changing at such a fast pace and peer pressure to top that.

We all want our kids to succeed, but is it right to contantly push them?......where is the limit? where is the fine line when encouragement becomes a nag? my older son wants to be a fireman when he grows up and save lifes and fight fires. the younger one wants to be a garbage truck driver with his best buddy Chris as the garbage picker who tosses garbage into the truck. when i was a little boy I wanted to be the school bus driver, as he was some one with a lot of authority and power. Here we have parents encouraging and enrolling their kids at tender ages to participate in academic programs which are above and beyond the normal curriculum. Is it absolutely necessary to do that? I would rather have a child who is happy, secure, aware, and street smart. Also some one who is a strong team player with good leadership qualities, when required. A healthy body also helps a healthy mind. Get good grades but also understand the concept and context during the learning process.

You...dear reader.....anything you wanna say? agree with me? no? Say something.....will ya?

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Remember!!



It was 8.30 am on a fall tuesday, on the way to work, I over heard 2 Metra workers talking about a plane crashing into a building. Having not a clue what it was all about, and also half asleep due to taking care of a 10 month old infant who loved to wake up in the middle of the night and play. I ignored it initially as some BS. Not till I reached the office and turned on CNN, I realized what had happend. Close to 3000 fatalities, 16000 + survivors and quite a few just plain missing.

Today,on the sixth anniversary, let's take a few moments to rememeber the innocent civilians, Fire, Paramedics and police personnel who lost their lives due to this dastardly act.

Long live Peace, harmony and Love. God bless and save the living beings in this world.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

A song for India

Click on the title to listen to this beautiful song-

Loose translation from original french score by-Jussi Björling - Song of India:

" The Diamonds of our land are innumerable,
The pearls in our seas are incalculable
It is India, the land of wonders.
In one of our sites, a ruby emerges,
A bird inhabites with the visage of a virgin,
Day and night it sings with a ravishing voice,
His brilliant feathers cover the entire shore.
Whoever would be able to hear it, would be born anew from the ashes. "

A tribute to My Mom.

It was My mother's 3rd death anniversary on August 9th. I think about her everyday and sometimes shed a silent tear, not because she is not here any more ( she is in a happy place now) but the way she had to tolerate injustice and nonsense all her life. Society and Life in general was not fair to her. I know that there are millions of other people who had worse plight than her, but she was my mother and what transpired in her life directly affects me and my siblings. From the time I can remember she worked hard and suffered injustice for the sake of her family. what hurts the most is that it came from the people she trusted with her life. There was nothing much she could do except ride the waves and hope for the best to happen. She prayed everyday for her children and thanks to her prayers and sacrifices we are all in a comfortable place and somewhat in peace.

Her typical day would start at 4.30, do house chores, go to work at 8.00 am, come back from work at 5.00 pm, do more chores till 10.30 pm. She had a short fuse and most of the time she would take it out on us kids. But she loved us and took care of us to the best of her ability. She was the employee of the year in the early 60's at HEIL Bhopal where she worked for close to 40 years and retired a few years back. Defitely an achievement and a shining moment in her life. Her smile could light up a room, when she had that rare occasion to smile.

I wish I could go back in time and make things right for her, even though that would mean questioning my own existence.

Love you, Ma. I know you are happy and in peace wherever you are :-).

Bye Bye Life




Bye bye life
Bye bye happiness
Hello loneliness
I think I'm gonna die
I think I'm gonna die
Bye bye love
bye bye sweet caress
Hello emptiness
I feel like I could die
Bye bye your life goodbye
Bye bye my life goodbye
There goes my baby with someone new
She sure looks happy
I sure am blue
He sure is blue

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Happy 60th Birthday- India!!

I read this article ( http://www.newyorker.com/services/referral?messageKey=2acc84a18cd10d79f40273cd5f0f9f80 ) in New Yorker and share with you the atrocities committed by the inadequate, ignorant, arrogant and indifferent British Raj towards India and Indians, the so called "Jewel in the frickin' crown", during August of 1947 and after when millions of innocent people were killed, raped, maimed, orphaned and rendered homeless in the name of partition and independence.

Mind you- I take anything that mainstream media dishes out with a grain of salt but definitely there is a lot of substance to this article which provoked me to blog about it and forward to you guys to get a general opinion on what your thoughts are.

Our generation arrived within 15 years of 1947 and I am sure many of us were affected directly or indirectly by the repercussions of the events after. I am a malayalee who grew up in a very hostile environment in Bhopal. Today Bhopal is assimilated and a amiable place to live in, not so 40 years ago when immigrants from all over the country were pouring in looking for work and in the process settling down and and raising families. I could write a book detailing the agonies, anguishes and ecstasies( it wasn't all bad... there were some good aspects too.....) of growing up there but I'll save it for another time.

Read and reflect, spare a moment to pray for the innocent citizens all over the world, who pay the price, for games politicians and power mongers play.

Gangsta's paradise by Coolio

As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I take a look at my life and realise there's none left
'Cause I've been brassing and laughing so long that
Even my mamma thinks that my mind is gone
But I aint never crossed a man that didn't deserve it
Me be treated like a punk, you know that's unheard of
You better watch how you talking, and where you walking
Or you and your homies might be lined in chalk
I really hate to trip but I gotta lope
As they croak I see myself in the pistal smoke ... fool
I'm the kinda G that little homies want to be like
On my knees in the night, saying prayers in the street light

They been spending most their lives living in the gangsta's paradise
They been spending most their lives living in the gangsta's paradise
We keep spending most our lives living in the gangsta's paradise
We keep spending most our lives living in the gangsta's paradise

They got the situation, they got me facing
I can't live a normal life, I was raised by the strip
So I gotta be down with the hood team
Too much television watching got me chasing dreams
I'm an educated fool with my knee on my mind
Got my 10 in my hand and a gleam in my eye
I'm a loped out gangsta set trippin banger
And my homies is down so gonna rouse my anger ... fool
Death aint nothing but a heart beat away
I'm living life do or die, what can I say
I'm 23 never will I live to see 24
The way things is going I don't know

Tell me why are we so blind to see
That the ones we hurt are you and me

They been spending most their lives living in the gangsta's paradise
They been spending most their lives living in the gangsta's paradise
We keep spending most our lives living in the gangsta's paradise
We keep spending most our lives living in the gangsta's paradise

Power and the money, money and the power
Minute after minute, hour after hour
Everybody's running, but half of them aint looking
What's going on in the kitchen, but I don't know what's cooking
They say I've got to learn but nobody's here to teach me
If they can't understand it, how can they reach me
I guess they can't
I guess they won't
I guess they front
That's why I know my life is out of luck ... fool

Tell me why are we so blind to see
That the ones we hurt are you and me
Tell me why are we so blind to see
That the ones we hurt are you and me ...

Transcripts of Sound bytes from the past...

Funny jingles, sound bytes from radio commercials and random things that I remember from my childhood. Keeps me sane and drives my wife nuts)


-yeh akashwani hai, ab aap Anadi Mishr sey samachar suniye (This is All India Radio, the news read by Anadi Mishra)).

-Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeendalium key barthannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn(Street vendor selling Hindalium utensils).

-Joh OK saabun sey nahayeeeeeeee kamal sa khil jayeeeee( Jingle for "OK" bathing soap).

- Tandoorusti ki rakhsha karta hai lifebouy,lifebouy hai jahan tanoorusti hai wahan( Jingle for Lifebuoy- another bathing soap).

- Daanton ko sadne se bachata hai colgate, din bhar sans ki badboo hatatha hai colgate( Jingle for Colgate toothpaste).

-Arre Mutthi bhar aatta dila dey raam, deney waale siri bhagawan
aatta roti dila dey raam, deney walle siri bhagawan (this haunts me.....two lepers begging for food in our neighborhood, the husband would pull a makeshift wagon on which his wife is perched..God bless their souls).

- Modi ke matwaley raahi. Nit naye khatron sey takrane waale, mushkilon mey bhi muskurane waley, jinda dil, manchale matwallon ki acchoota karnamma( Jingle for Modi Continental tires).

-Sainyya bhool na jaana, Potass khaad lana..kaise bhoolun usko, usney banaya mujhko, potass khadd lavoon, achhi fasal ugaoon( this is hilarious...jingle for a fertilizer).

- Bhakti sangeet ka karyakram-----vandanvaar(Introduction to Devotional songs at 7.30 am on AIR).

-Aaapka apna chunav chinh...Gaaay bachda, gareebon ka chunav chinh gaay bachda, gaay bachdey par mohar lagayyiyye or apne ummeedwar shri babulal gaur ko safal banayiyye( Congress Party volunteers canvassing for votes during election time for Babulal Gaur, I think he eventually became the Chief Minister or Governor of MP during the 80's.

-Peelo peelo mere yaar, thotha chhap ki beedi!( whenever I think of this I laugh my ass off....during Ram lila (Drama theater depicting story of Lord Rama) at the local temple, during intervals they used to play this jingle...obviously the Beedi ( cheap Indian cigarettes) makers were one of the main sponsors of the event.)

-Aap jaisa koi Nippo battery laye tho baat ban jaaye.....aaha bat ban jaaye ( jingle for Nippo batteries).

- Aakashavni...Warthakal vayikkunaathu Gopan. Beeharil Vellapokkam. Kendram Azhimathi sahikkukaillannu pradhana manthri Shrimati Indira Gandhi Chhoondikatti ( Malayalam News.. read by Gopan...Floods in Bihar, Prime Minister Mrs Indira Gandhi pointed out that feds will not tolerate Corruption.)

Friday, January 12, 2007

Jinhe naaz hai Hind par woh kahan hai?

jinhe naaaz hain hind par.... 

yeh kooche yeh neelam ghar dilkashi ke,  yeh lut te hue karwan zindagi ke, 

kahan hain kahan hai muhafiz khudi ke,  jinhe naaz hai hind par woh kahan hain

 kahan hai kahan hai kahan hai yeh kurpech galiyan yeh badnam baazar yeh gumnaam rahi yeh sikkon ki jhankar yeh ismat ke sauden yeh saudaun pe takrar jinhe naaz hai hind par woh kahan hain kahan hai kahan hai kahan hai yeh sadiyon si bekhwaab sehmi si galiyan yeh masli huin ad khili zald galiyan yeh bikti hui khokli rang raliyan jinhe naaz hai hind par woh kahan hain kahan hai kahan hai kahan hai woh ujle gareechon maian payal ki chan chan thaki haari saanson pe table ki dhan dhan woh ujle dareechon maian payal ki chan chan thaki haari saanson pe table ki dhan dhan yeh behrooh kamron me khansi ki than than jinhe naaz hai hind par woh kahan hain kahan hai kahan hai kahan hai

Yeh Duniya agar mil bhi jaaye tho kya hai?

ye mahalo, ye takhto, ye taajon kee duniyaan
ye insaan ke dushman samaajon kee duniyaan
ye daulat ke bhukhe rawaajon kee duniyaan
ye duniyaan agar mil bhee jaaye to kyaa hai

har yek jism ghaayal har yek ruh pyaasee
nigaaho mein ulazan dilon mein udaasee
ye duniyaan hain yaa aalama-ye-badahawaasee
ye duniyaan agar mil bhee jaaye to kyaa hai

jahaa yek khilaunaa hai, insaan kee hasatee
ye basatee hain murda paraston kee basatee
yahaa par to jeewan se maut sasatee
ye duniyaan agar mil bhee jaaye to kyaa hai

jawaanee bhatakatee hain badakaar ban kar
jawaan jism sajate hain baajaar banakar
yahaa pyaar hotaa hain wyaapaar banakar
ye duniyaan agar mil bhee jaaye to kyaa hai

ye duniyaan jahaa aadamee kuchh naheen hai
wafaa kuchh nahee, dosatee kuchh naheen hai
yahaa pyaar kee kadr hee kuchh naheen hai
ye duniyaan agar mil bhee jaaye to kyaa hai

jalaa do ise, foonk daalo ye duniyaan
mere saamane se hataa lo ye duniyaan
tumhaaree hain tum hee sanbhaalo ye duniyaan
ye duniyaan agar mil bhee jaaye to kyaa hai